Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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