you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
