well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
