This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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