fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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