38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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