True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
