I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i will never coherently bang her
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
FUCK WHALES
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