he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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