I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
