I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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