did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
