one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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