This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Randomize
