I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
