I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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