I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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