dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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