I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
