Only a mothe r could love this liver
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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