I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were destined to go to rehab together
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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