don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
