oh fat girl friday strikes again...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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