I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
