i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
