Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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