woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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