accomplished twins. life is a go
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
