Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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