My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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