are you still at the devil's house?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
