grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
