were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
