I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
