sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he fucked my hip out of place.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
