apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
