Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
