You really coming over, don't trick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is my gift to your gina
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
