my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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