please come you make the beer taste better
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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