bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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