I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
