Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
