I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
