Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
