Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
