Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
