We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
