i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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