afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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