do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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