I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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