I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i need some magic done to my vagina
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
