that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
