we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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