Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
