I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
