I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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