under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize