margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
