It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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