Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
