I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize