saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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