I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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