the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
