we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
