I look better un-naked...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
