She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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