he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
