She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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