i barfeds in our rink
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
